Next time, can you please punch me in the face instead?

Yesterday was possibly the worst morning ever in my life.

Imagine this…

You apply to a job that pays $108,000 a year. Three weeks later the company calls you and wants to schedule a meeting ASAP. They tell you to bring a copy of your resume. You spend the entire night preparing your portfolio and presentation.

The next morning, you arrive early to their office in Downtown Seattle. When everyone finally sits down and exchanges introductions, they tell you, “Thank you so much for coming in this morning! We had 12 really good applications and are offering the position to three people. You didn’t get it. But you were #4, congrats! You were really close. Here is some feedback on your strengths and weaknesses. Do you have any questions?”

And finally, they don’t validate your $10 parking stub and the attendant doesn’t accept American Express and can’t make change for a $100 bill (which are the only two things you have in your wallet).

Imagine how that feels?

Because that’s exactly how I felt on Friday morning!!!

Here are five things I would have rather had happen to me on Friday morning.

    1. I would have rather gotten so drunk off of Mike’s Hard Strawberry Lemonade that I blacked out. Then woken up on Saturday with the worst hang over and seeing a butterfly tattoo over my left shoulder.
    2. I would have rather lost my cellphone and have the stranger text bomb all of my friends “I will pay you $5 if you slap me across the face AS HARD AS YOU CAN.” And then actually have my friends slap me across the face and paying them all $5.
    3. I would have rather told my Asian parents that I am never ever going to get my PhD and that I got a “C” in English Lit in the 8th grade.
    4. I would have rather had someone hack into my Facebook account and post this picture on my profile page.Shine Bright Like a Diamond
    5. I would have rather learned my sister lost her job at Amazon and had to move in with me indefinitely.

I would have rather learned that we didn’t get a $100,000 grant…over the phone.

Author’s note: I did not apply for another job. That was an analogy.

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