Surprise! Asians Eat Hamburgers

Last week our organization hosted our annual benefit dinner, which is the biggest fundraising event of the year. Successful dinners bring in a ton of unrestricted funding. Woohoo! On the other hand, not reaching your fundraising goals might mean cutting vital programs and services, or worse, selling Girl Scout cookies to make payroll.

To their credit, all of the staff and volunteers did such an amazing job and worked very hard. Many of them didn’t even eat. They worked from noon to night. By the end of the dinner many looked ragged and disheveled—sort of like a new parent. And while I was so excited to see a high level of energy and support throughout the event, I was so exhausted by the end of the night that I wanted to punch someone, ‘cause…you know…that’s what tired people do. One of the last things I remember about the event was having a conversation about hamburgers with a friend, which was ridiculous.

“Nice work on the dinner. Do you have any plans afterward?”

“Dude, I am soooo hungry right now,” I replied. “I am going to demolish a hamburger when I’m done.”

“Huh…so you like hamburgers?” he asked. No one has ever asked me if I liked hamburgers before. It was flattering and I may have blushed. But was this a trick question? What were his motives?

“Yes…” I replied suspiciously. “Do you?” I was secretly hoping he would ask me out for hamburgers because I was in no mood to be teased. I was prepared to go zombie on him.

“Where do you like to eat hamburgers at?”

“Ed’s Kort Haus on Greenwood,” I answered. It’s a total dive bar that serves exotic burgers, like rattle snake, bear and ostrich.

“We should go eat hamburgers together sometime.”

“Aight,” I replied with a bro sniff (you know the one). “Let’s do it.” I’m pretty sure there was either a fist bump or bro hug afterward.

Later that night I went to McDonalds and ordered a cheeseburger with small fries. It was the most delicious cheeseburger ever, until I realized that only a minute had passed before my stomach started to hurt and I was paralyzed with pain.

*Bro Sniff*

Whatever. The benefit dinner was over. I felt great.


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